Freedom from Alcohol

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Here's my journey to freedom from alcohol. It's been a year and a half since I started the Hey Emmy Show, and one of my very first episodes was about this. Sadly, the recording got deleted, but maybe it was a good thing because it was a long episode.

There are a lot of people out there struggling with alcoholism, feeling trapped and lacking freedom. We're supposed to live in abundance and freedom, not misery and bondage. Alcohol seems fun and refreshing at first, but it has more negatives than positives. In sharing my story with you, I am not condemning or judging anyone, but I am shedding light on an issue that must be addressed. Many people struggle with alcoholism, either personally or in their relationships. 

Over the last year and a half, I've been trying to find the best way to share my story. I don't want to gossip or dwell on the negative stuff. I want to tell you the truth, though. I made some mistakes, like getting a DUI but have since found freedom. My journey with alcohol hasn't always been easy, and there have been ups and downs. I have found that true freedom is found when we live in alignment with our original design. In order to be free, we must make choices that align with our true selves. Freedom comes with responsibility.

Finding freedom requires repentance. It's about turning 180 degrees and choosing a different path, not just saying sorry. There are no strings attached when God gives us the chance to turn our lives around. Despite setbacks, we can always turn back to the path of true freedom.

Throughout my alcohol journey, I've gone through periods of abstinence, but I don't like to identify as "sober" because it seems to limit. Let me encourage you to seek freedom in all areas of your life and to experience the joy that comes from living your purpose.

It's time to talk about the challenges, the lessons learned, and the journey to true freedom. Let's embrace the freedom waiting for us together.

Connect with Emmy on the GRAM @theheyheyemmy or hang out on Facebook.

Transcript

  📍  📍 Welcome to July. Yes, I cannot believe we are here, but it is July, 2023 and especially in America. This is a really big month, and at the beginning of the month, For Americans to show their pride, to show their patriotism, to show their red, white, and blue spirit. And so today is July 4th. Happy 4th of July to you.

If you're listening in the States, if you're international. I am so glad you are here. And in today's episode we are gonna talk about freedom. And it's not just freedom in America. We're gonna talk about freedom. I think the whole month. Are you in for it? So in this specific episode, We're gonna talk about freedom in regards to bondage.

Where in your life do you not have freedom? So not your typical financial freedom, not your typical time freedom, not your typical free of personal rights. We are going to potentially talk about those, but in this episode, we are gonna talk about the bondage of alcoholism. Now, I am no expert, but I do have experience.

In this area, and this is episode. This topic is a long time coming and I am going to do my best to really just be led by the Holy Spirit and share what he puts on my heart. And I definitely know that this is gonna be a multiple episode topic, so buckle up. Okay, wear your seatbelt. We are gonna jump in today's episode and we're gonna see where it takes us.

I'm so glad you're here. Let us go.

Hey. Hey. It's your girl, Emmy Cornwell, Instagram biz coach and social selling expert. Welcome to the Hey, hey, Emmy Show. This is a podcast where we talk about all things that will be helpful for you and your business. Everything from Instagram tips and tricks to health hacks to relationships, and definitely some Jesus.

Basically everything in between Proverbs 31. And Tupac. I am so excited to party with you in each and every episode because ain't no party like a Hey, hey, Emmy party. Can I get an Amen? All right, let's get into it, sister.

Hey, hey. What's going on? How are you, sister girl? I am your host of the Hey, hey, Emmy Show podcast, all things. Proverbs 31 to Tupac. I'm Emmy Cornwell, and I am just really, really, really, really glad you're here. Even though if I could confess something to you, I have no clue where this episode is going to go.

And I think that's part of the reason why it's been a year and a half since we've had this specific podcast. I've had other podcasts in the past, but. A year and a half of the Hey Emmy Show podcast, and one of my very first episodes that I recorded for this episode or for this podcast in December of 2021 when it launched, was about my journey with alcohol.

And it was super long, so it might have been just a, a good thing that it ended up getting deleted, if you will. I recorded it and nothing came, like there was no sound and. I had so much resistance. I was met with so much resistance trying to launch this podcast, and that was just one of, one of the many. I was up really, really late recording and last minute, all the things that we ended up launching on my birthday in 2021.

But one of the things was, was this episode, it's like a heavy, this is a heavy topic, you know, my journey with with alcohol, but it is something that you have expressed to me that you wanna hear. I did a poll on my Instagram stories and a hundred percent everyone who voted on the poll of wanting to, you know, is this something that interests you or not said yes.

And I believe that's because there are a lot of people who are silently struggling with this topic, with alcoholism, there is bondage in this area. There is not freedom cuz that's what we're gonna talk about is really in reference to freedom. Cuz, cuz we're supposed to live. A life of abundance and, and freedom.

We're not supposed to live in sin. We're not supposed to live in bondage. We're not supposed to be just tied down and walking around miserable. And I will tell you what, alcohol, it seems fun at first, right? It seems like it's a good time. Just open, you know, crack open a. White claw or to tap Chico or a, you know, beer or have a Corona coronal with a lime or margarita or, you know, whatever you drink, it sounds great and refreshing, but really it's not.

At the end of the day, it's so, there are more negatives to drinking than there is positives, and that doesn't mean my journey's always been easy. And so hopefully you hear. That in my story. Hopefully you hear that and you hear my heart that I'm not condemning anyone. I'm not judging anyone, I'm not pointing any fingers.

This is, this is something that is individual to each and every person, but it also needs to be talked about. And I think there are a lot of people struggling with it, either themselves or with the people in their lives. And so this is a heavy topic and to record it back in 2021 took a lot of. Energy and bravery encouraged to muster up and I did it, and then it wasn't recorded.

And so I think this last year and a half, I have been trying to figure out the best way to share with you the best. I always want you to hear the redemption in the restoration of my story. I never want you to hear all the bad stuff or the things that you know, you people would typically gossip about.

Like, oh my gosh, did you know? And you got a D U I and was driving the wrong way on a California highway. How did she even do that? Like did anyone get hurt? What was her blood alcohol level get Like all of you know, whatever your typical gossip is, I don't want people to hear that. But by the way, that is the true story.

That was the first time that I had ever been arrested was when I got a D U I in. I was living in California in San Jose. I was working for Netflix at the time. And I actually had been doing a cleanse. I was with the company AdvoCare previously in regards to my network marketing business past history.

And I was doing a 24 day challenge and my body was really ready to receive. Now, that's not an excuse, but that was something to be aware of because when I went out, also something I had to be aware of. I didn't even wanna go out. I should have listened to my. You know, I should have listened to the Holy Spirit.

I should have listened to my intuition. I should have listened that I just should have stayed home. But I ended up going out with a girlfriend reluctantly and having these like two huge industrial size margaritas. Think like the yard stick drinks, like in Vegas that you can walk around like or get from the Eiffel Tower.

What is that?  Isn't there a hotel in Paris anyways? I think a bunch of 'em in Vegas. I haven't been in Vegas in so long, which by the way, I love Vegas and I have not actually been back since. Kind of just like finding freedom in this area with, with alcohol and as more of an adult and have an adult Vegas.

I would love to do that. I'm supposed to go in the fall, so we'll see if it works out with Cam. But anyways, I had these two industrialized margaritas and. That did not set my body up for success. The fact that it was really ready to receive any nutrients or lack thereof that I was gonna put into it. And you know, the fact that I was in an unhealthy relationship at the time, and I think I was upset with him and we were arguing about something.

And so I went out with a chip on my shoulder and I was gonna do whatever I wanted and I was gonna prove to myself that I was cute and guys liked me, and I didn't have to buy my own drinks and all of these things. We're not of Emmy's true identity, right? Like I do not need to find my worth in a bottle and I do not need to find my worth in a boy.

But a lot of my adult life I, after college, cause I really didn't drink until after college cause I was played college soccer and I was really focused on that. But after that, when I moved to la, Things kind of went haywire and I was not operating my true identity, but I, I, you know, I was looking for validation and acceptance and worthiness, whether it was conscious or subconscious and other things,  external things.

And that was not providing freedom. I thought, oh my gosh, yes, I'm done with college. I'm done with soccer. I have freedom now to do whatever I want. Well, that's, Not, again, setting yourself up for success. There should be structure when it comes to freedom. And really there is, if you look at freedom, I mean, it is a multifaceted concept and it can be understood and interpreted in a bunch of different ways, right?

But broadly speaking, free refers to the state of being free from constraints, from limitations, from oppression, from you name it, okay? It encompasses. The ability to act and think and express yourself and make choices without any restrictions. And that's where I thought it was in my life. And man, do I have a lot of stories even from that era?

Because when I got the D U I I was I think it was like in my late twenties or early thirties, honestly, I've blacked out a lot of the timeframe because probably cuz of trauma, to be honest. So like even up. Gosh, I think I had to have like an s r 10 on my insurance, so I had higher insurance for, I think it's 10 years.

Also in Canada, if you're listening in Canada, it's a felony to get a D u I. So I couldn't go to Canada for a long time. And honestly, the last time I went to Canada, I was going for an event for AdvoCare, a woman's event, and I had brought two people with me and I did not, of course, I'm not gonna tell them.

But I was just praying, I'm like, oh my God, please let us go over the border. Please let us get into Canada, because otherwise I was gonna have to explain myself and we were gonna have to turn around and miss the event. Then we had a hotel and all the things. So I did get in fun fact, but I was crazy.

I was definitely praying like, Lord, please. And I don't know how  those computer work, but let me in.  I have a lot of stories after college when I lived in la but then I have stories. Kind of like as an old, older, younger adult, if that makes sense. And the stories of when I was in la I, I didn't get in trouble with the law, but I got in trouble with myself.

I got in trouble in other ways. Like I just was not living a healthy lifestyle. And same with when I got in trouble with the D U I and gone and arrested, and  Those are, these are true stories. These are stories that you wouldn't maybe look at me and think, oh, okay, wow. Middle class white gal, educated, comes from a good family kind, nice, seems like good values, morals, encouraging, got a good head on her shoulders, ambitious.

Yeah, that's what happens. You don't operate in your true identity. You aren't operating how God created you to be and. The devil just has a heyday. So anyways, we're starting off real strong with that story, but let's bring it around to the subject. You can, cuz again, I'm not here to just share with you my rap sheet cuz there's more of how alcohol has affected my life personally, and especially in connection with the law.

But, Again, that's not why we're here necessarily. I think those stories are important for you to hear. To hear that I've gone through a lot based off of my own decisions, my own poor, poor decisions, and it was at the end of the day because I wasn't operating in true freedom. You know, there are bunch of different types of freedoms, personal freedom, civil freedom, political freedom, economic freedom, social freedom, all of those things, and those are all highly valued.

And any freedom comes with responsibility. Like I was talking about that structure. And so what I guess what I want to highlight is what God says about freedom when it comes to sin. Now, what I did when making poor decisions, sin is sin and it doesn't matter. If you go steal something from the corner store if you are in a, if there's sexual immorality, that's a sin.

What, what I'm, what I did wa was a sin because I wasn't operating Oh. In the original design of how God created me to be and I wasn't repenting and repenting isn't like, you know, thinking of like Catholic school and like you get slapped on the wrist with a ruler like Repenting is doing like a 180 and going in the opposite direction you were going.

So if you're going in a bad direction in your life and you know it, Or hope, hopefully someone,  helps guide you to see that yourself and realize that that's that structure piece of the freedom. That's also like the whole free will versus predestined. Like, yes, God has a plan, but also we have free will.

He's our he's our guide. Holy Spirit is leading us into a right living type of life, but we have the choice to make the decision. We have the choice to continue going down the right, wrong path or. To make 180 degree turn and go in the opposite direction. That is like the like most simplest non-Christian version of like what repentance means.

 Is there things like asking for forgiveness? Yeah, absolutely. Like, geez, Scott, I am so sorry.  That was not something that I should do. I need your like acknowledging too that you need help. And again, it doesn't have to be as big as alcoholism, but in this case, like I couldn't.

Be where I'm at today. If it was not for God, providing the opportunity to trigger my life in the opposite direction it was going, and for him to provide that way in a loving, freeing way, like there was no stipulations. Like, hey, turn your life around. And then do X, Y, and Z. And if you do X, Y, and Z, then I will love you.

Then I will be your father. Then I will provide salvation for you. In Trinity. No, like there is no strength attached. But that's kind of the hard part because you have to make the decision. You have to be the one that says like, you wanna go a different way. You. You want to experience what God's best is for your life, and I'm sorry, but what, what is more freeing than that?

What is more freeing than that? To live a life. Does that mean you're never gonna sin again? Does that mean you're never gonna get it wrong again? No. That's not what it means. And again, that's why there is repentance. And so, for instance, in regards to my alcohol journey, I've gone several different times where I've not drunk, drank at all.

And I've never identified with the term sober. I think it kind of puts you in a box. And I think when you put yourself in a box, which is different than I think, structure and discipline, when you put yourself in a box, especially with something as addictive as alcohol, you're, it's, you're just gonna try and modify your behavior.

And that's only gonna last a certain amount of time. Like I, anyone can do, like I just did a five day drop. And lost, 6.6 pounds and I did it again. So 10 days and I lost total of 12 pounds I think in 14 days. So far. Granted, I have a lot of weight to lose and be in postpartum, but like anyone can do anything for five days, 10 days, right?

Well, I stopped drinking for 18 months after my second arrest, um, because I was gonna go to jail for two years. If I. I got in trouble again. I was on probation, and so I was like, we're just gonna not drink at all. Not even like, I'm not gonna get a traffic stop. I'm gonna be on my best behavior. So if you're relying on behavior modification to help you with alcohol and your intake of it, you may be successful for a while.

I've actually done, well, obviously I just did nine months.  Basically I had a, I had a little bit to drink. At the beginning. But I really, I just didn't have any like, desire for it. Some women are like having champagne in their delivery room and she's like, oh my God, gimme a drink. Like the minute they like opt their baby out, that isn't me.

That wasn't me. A couple weeks ago I went to a manager's game and had, when I have like two shelters, And I had the hu hugest headache. It was a one o'clock game, like at four o'clock. I had the hugest headache and I was so tired and I just felt I, I just felt awful, like, just physically and I don't wanna feel like that.

And I have a, a human to take care of and a household to run and a business, you know, businesses to, to handle. And. And serve, serve people, my customers and my clients. And like I said, I'm not sober. I've never identified with it, but I have gone long stints several different times over the last 10 to 12 years.

And

yeah, I mean, you can't just put, you can't put yourself in a box about it, right? It's not one or the other. Here's what I will encourage you. If you are someone who is. Tired all the time. Who has shame and guilt after you drink? Who feels pressure by friends and family? Social anxiety, all of these, like these things.

And you actually too may not even know you have a problem.  Just to be honest. I know people very, very close to me who would, who drink regularly and that's different. Like regularly can mean different things. And they don't know that they have a problem. Some of them are functioning alcoholics, some of them are not.

I would say some of 'em have disordered drinking. I would claim I have disordered drinking. Kind of like disordered eating. Like if you have an eating disorder, you're not eating properly. Well, alcohol for me, if I'm not checking myself, I absolutely. We'll get in tru like trouble, not just with law, but like with myself.

I'll, I won't be my, I'm definitely not showing the love of Christ because when I get wasted pants, I am like a completely different person. I, it's like I have a demon inside me. I am so angry. There had demon been one mo one time in my life where I went to a local casino. I come home from college and I, I was staying back with my parents and I had gone out and my friends brought me back and I was completely blacked out.

But they dropped me off and I was on the stairs of my parents' house and my mom had come out, was like, thanks for bringing her back.  And I literally was like, sounded like I was like the demon from Exorcist, like a different, talking to my mom. Like I remember it so vividly. Like I, I could picture it right now.

And I felt like I was even like, on the stairs, like crawling up the stairs like a demon would like cry. It was like nod of God. But that's because I literally put toxin, alcohol is poison it. I put toxin in my body.  Oh my gosh. I feel like I've done  this search before about alcohol  and it being poison and toxin.

Like it's there's like another Oh, spirit. That's right. Okay. What do they call hard liquor? Spirits. There have also been people who have a spiritual eye who can see in the spirit realm, seen over bars, spirits just hanging out, waiting to, because what happens to you when you drink alcohol? It, you're emptying yourself for something else to come in and usually it's not something great there.

There, it's a doorway. That you've opened up for the demonic and for the enemy to grab, put a foothold in or come right in and plant a seed and a root that can grow and grow and grow into something that is not going to produce freedom for you. It's gonna produce, produce, anger, it's gonna produce being a sloth, right?

Like laziness and lack of energy and lack of motivation, like it's alcohol is just not good. And but. I still am struggling with like, do I never drink again or do I like have one once in a while because I do  the tastes. There are a lot of tasty things out there, right? McDonald's is tasty too, and I have that on occasion, even though that's not great for you.

But here's what I had to do, is I had to stop drinking completely for an extended period of time because I had to do the inner work. To really get to the freedom part, I had to do a lot of self-discovery. I had to do a lot of inner child work. I had to do a lot of, of God's bootcamp, getting in the word, talking to him, praying, figuring out like who he said that I says I am, like my true identity as a giver of joy and an encourager to many and a light in the darkness.

I had to figure all that stuff out, and if I'm drinking, That was not going to gimme clarity. So I did stop for a long time and I felt like after also going to recovery twice I went to inpatient or I went to outpatient for my first arrest.  And then I went to inpatient. So outpatient was once a week for three months, and then once a month for three more months.

And then during that time I had to go to AA weekly.  And then the second time after I was arrested, the second time I had to be inpatient because I'd already gone to outpatient recovery. And that included two days a week, three hours each of class, then once a month counseling at the facility with a PRI private counselor, also going to AA weekly, twice a week.

And then that was three months. And then the second three months was once a month classes, I think. Gosh, I can't remember. Anyways, it was way more intense. I had to quit my job. Let's just say that. That was my job, was recovery. So recovery really was helpful. And I think that's another episode for another time because I think I learned a lot of things like setting boundaries from recovery.

And I'm thankful that I learned those because not a lot of people know boundaries. But I had to stop. And I did find freedom. I did find victory. I. Even though I still drink today here and there, really it's not that much if at all. Very rare.  I know I ask myself this question, I say, okay, Emmy, why do you want, if I'm feeling some sort or way to, like, if I'm more emotional, I'm definitely asking myself this.

So during postpartum, like with all the hormones, I am like checking myself 100%. What are, am I running away? That's the question. Like, am I running away from something? Cuz that's what I was trying to do when I drank, was I was trying to escape my life. I was trying to escape my reality  in all the different areas, you know, that were relevant at that time.

Right. With it was my job, it was my relationship, it was stress here and there. Money, all of the whatever you insert, whatever it is. I have to just ask myself like, why am I drinking? Am I trying to escape from something? Am I trying to not see the reality of the situation? Because it's just hard and tough?

And if the answer is yes, I am trying to run away, then I absolutely will not drink, and I will figure out how to address that situation head on in a more healthy way. Now if it's, if there's no issue, then yeah, I'll have a drink or two, but. I can't even remember the last time I was blacked out drunk. And quite frankly, I don't ever, I don't ever wanna ever be like that ever again.

I never wanna experience that. So usually if you feel that way and then you do get that way, it's because you do not have freedom and victory in this area. And there's still work to be done, and that's okay. But I will tell you, man, the morning afters are the, Most shame I've ever felt like the devil just like piled on years and years of shame because I chose to drink because, and then by drinking, then make other really poor decisions.

There, there are a lot of things I did while intoxicated that I am not proud of, nor would I ever do in my right mind and. It was just all consuming when I was drinking in that way, and that's not what God wants your life to be consumed with. You know, he wants your life to be consumed with him.

Right? Freedom from fear. Fear that of whatever you're trying to run away with. Freedom of like, Like he just, he just wants, he loves you so much. He loves you so much. And like I said, I'm experiencing things with this issue and with this topic very, very close to me personally and without giving details.

And it's challenging and it's hard, and especially when you feel like you have freedom in an area and then someone you love and care about so much is experiencing something. That is freedom on the other side, but you can't force them. You can't make the decision for them. They have to be the one to decide it for themselves.

So whether you're listening and you are struggling with, with this idea of how much you drink, maybe you don't know, like I said, or if it's someone else in your life that's close to you.  Hopefully this episode kind of just blesses you that there is hope. There's always hope, and I maintain that hope because of Jesus.

Like he did not die on the cross for every other sin, but this one, like he did not, he did not get done to what was done for this to just be left off the table. And so I believe that there is, True freedom and if and if I wanted to, right?  I could absolutely ask God for him to take that taste out of my mouth.

And I believe he did take it out in a way that it was detrimental to my life. But remember, we have free will, and so at the end of the day, it's up to me to partner. With what he has done and the miracle that he's provided that I'm still here living. I am not in jail. I am not dead. I did not hurt anyone else, and I just hope something about this episode blesses you or makes you think.

And I do believe there's probably gonna be a part two of this episode in some capacity. And I don't know what that looks like, but I just know as today is a holiday. A holiday that really does revolve around food and drink. I mean, a lot of things honestly, in America, in this world too, I mean, internationally, I mean, I fell in love with cheese in France, right?

Like and in Korea when I went and studied in Korea, like they drank soju like from morning till night. And the businessmen like they're at business meeting just taking shots of soju, which is like basically Korean vodka. I mean, it's not just an American thing, but all these events are around and especially 4th of July around barbecuing.

And what do you do at barbecue? You eat and you drink, you eat and you drink. Okay, then add in fireworks. I'm sure there are a lot of bad things that happen, and so I just hope that you know, you are so worthy of the life that you wanna live. You are so loved. And whether you think you have a problem or not, that's a whole different subject, but you know that there's more to your life, and so why not just look at the things that are keeping you in bondage, that are holding you back from going to your goal, getting your goals, getting your dream life, the visions that you have for, for what you want to do here on earth.

So whether you believe you have a problem or not, alcohol most likely is probably holding you back because of some of the things that have shared today, even from like the health standpoint, you're not going to make six and seven figures when you're hungover. I'm sorry. That's just not how it works. Okay?

So be blessed. Know that you are loved. If you have any questions or. Just can relate to this or want someone to talk to. I am not a counselor. I don't claim to be. I just share my experiences and hope that my testimony and my story is the key to help unlock something in yours. I love you so, so much.

Please take a screenshot of this episode. If you're so inclined and share it to your Instagram stories, tag me the, Hey, hey Emmy, and  I would love to continue the conversation there. Again, stay tuned for part two, I think. Are you up for it? All right, see you then.